I'm late and tired !

Why is it that you can lie awake in the early morning darkness and not sleep, but as soon as the alarm goes off your body says, NOW its time for sleepy byes.......

I'm late now, and I had so much I wanted to get done this morning before work, but really didnt want to get up at 3.45 when my brain was fighting staying asleep....grrrrr

Sadness

Three years ago, a lovely, sad troubled relative of mine decided that he had had enough of this world and all the pain it had caused him and quietly on his own in his flat, he downed a quantity of his medically prescribed pills and a large amount of alcohol and didnt wake up again. I can only imagine what he must have been feeling to have made the decision that he did. His whole life had never been what it could have been, he was a quiet shy person bullied and threatened by the very people who should have loved him the most, his own parents. I feel guilty so often that I should have done more to help him - for a long time he was lost to our family, he just simply disapeared into the vastness that is London. So many regrets and wishes that it could and should have been different, he deserved so much more.....

Tonight, through the enormous resources that is facebook, I found out that in the very same week that Chris died, so did a very dear friend of mine that I had lost touch with. Also by his own hand. He had been depressed and worried about debts and finances and could no longer cope with feeling like a failure in his eyes. He left behind his wife, another good friend of mine, and his children.

Tonight I am sitting here remembering two very lovely people and feeling incredibly, incredibly sad that they felt they had no alternatives but the final action that they took. I wish with all my heart they were still here.

Love the people you love and let them know it xxxx

Cheap Evening Meal

Like many other bloggers, finding recipes that are both economical, nourishing and filling is something that I have to think about every day. The money that I hand over to shopkeeper has been hard earned and had to stretch as far as possible. This month I have extra bills to pay so the food budget is the only area that I have any wiggle room with, so it has to be trimmed even more than normal.

I dropped into a Netto store today, not a shop that I usually frequent, mainly because there isnt one any where near to me, but I was by one so I thought I would pop in.

I bought 3 tins of manderin oranges for £1, 3 tins of carrots and peas (himself likes them) at 39p each and 2 packets of microwave rice similar to the 'Uncle Bens' 2 minutes in the microwave rice that number 2 son likes to take to work for lunch occasionally. The rice was 49p per packet instead of UB's at £1.25 in my local shop. I'm sure number 2 son will give me his verdict as to whether it is a good substitute pretty quickly.

The other items that I bought were 2 packets of bacon pieces as I wanted to make pizzas later in the week. The bacon packets were 2 for £2.50.

When I opened them at home I was really suprised to find that they weren't full of small mis shapes but several large pieces, almost the size of bacon chops that are sometimes sold in some of the supermarkets. So 3 of the larger pieces were cut in half and I shall boil these and then oven roast them with roast potatoes and veggies (we often have a boiled/roasted bacon joint for Sunday dinner.)

The other 2 smaller pieces were shopped into small pieces, fried until nearly cooked and then I added a can of chopped tomatoes, a generous helping of dried oregano and a good shake of black pepper. While this was cooking I boiled up some pasta and served the bacon and tomato sauce on top. A grating of some drying up cheddar and more black pepper and we had a great evening meal which only cost:-

Bacon 45
Toms 25
Pasta 20
Cheese 10
Oregano 0 It was grown here and dried last year
Pepper 5

Total £1.05

Number 2 son and I had a large helping each and there is another one left for him for work tomorrow so each portion came to about 35p. Now thats the kind of meal cost that I like !!

I spent the past two days down in the South East where Himself is currently doing a couple of weeks of temporary agency work - strangely enough with the same company he left before Xmas, and on the same site ! Ironic or what you may ask - we did, seems he cant escape the place, but with work here in the Midlands not being that fruitful, for a couple of weeks it seemed like a good idea at the time. (We have had many a-good-idea-at-the-time moments, which have turned out to be FAR from good ideas, but thats not for going into now.......)

Anyway, we sold Himself's car yesterday to a friend. I had driven it down on Saturday and being car less I then had to make my way back to the Midlands by alternative means.

So my journey today has involved:-

1 x taxi journey (no local bus to enable me to get to station - don't forget I started from an unfinished housing development)
1 x train to London Victoria
1 x underground train journey to Euston
1 x train Euston to Midlands station
1 x bus to my local small town
1 x bus to my village.
1 x 1 mile walk from bus stop

It has been an eventful trip. The taxi driver was nice and friendly, all three trains were on time and nice and clean. The one bus driver was lovely and I had a great scenic tour of where I live that I don't always get chance to see when I am driving and the last bus was full of chatty oaps. Plus the walk was also enjoyable (except for the two heavy bags that I was carrying)

The journey time was double the time it would take if I was in the car (if the M25 is behaving itself) but it did remind me how much we take for granted and how difficult it must be for parents, teenagers and mums to organise and execute trips if you only have public transport to rely on. And also how much more time has to be allowed to get any where.

Once again, I stop and think how lucky I am. Things have been quite difficult over the past 12 months in many ways, but I am still one of the lucky ones, I really am..